Thoughts...(Long and Rambling ones)

I've been feeling thoughtful about my life lately. I guess a new baby can do that to you. Look at them...
Am I not the most blessed woman in the world? I look at them and think about how each of them came into my life. First Mikayla, with those long eyelashes that can manipulate her daddy into almost anything. I remember perfectly the day that Josh and I stood in an empty hospital room, waiting and wondering what she would look like. Would we know her? More importantly, would she know us? Then, for the first time in my life, a young, brave girl and boy placed their precious baby in my arms. With tears and grief on their faces, but love in their hearts, they asked me to raise her as my own. I don't know how to describe the feelings of humility, gratitude and faith I felt at that moment, but I do know that the questions disappeared when I looked into her face. I knew she was mine. I knew I was hers.
Gweny. My little random blond child...the one I have to remind myself was NOT adopted. She came along with so many emotions for me. I think its time to fully admit that I didn't handle infertility the way that my Heavenly Father would have wanted me to. When I should have felt peace and faith, knowing that Heavenly Father was in control of the situation, I felt anger and jealousy and a myriad of other not-so gospel-like feelings. Then, once again, the questions were answered the first time I held her in my arms. Gweny is a blessing. I am happy to have her. She is the sunshine in our home. She hides nothing in her love and emotions. I can't take a single picture of my three children without her eyes glued on her baby brother and her arm wound tightly around her sister. She is my daily reminder to show love and affection for the people I love most in the world.
Now, this little guy...

For the second time in my life, a courageous young woman placed her baby in my arms. What joy! I think of the special bond I have with her and am so grateful to know her as I do. The world would be a better place if more of us had her selflessness, love, and goodness. I think of what must have happened so long ago, at a time when I was told that in this life I would be unable to bear most of my children. Perhaps the question was asked, "Who will provide the bodies for this woman's children?" They may have been told that the grief and pain they would feel at bearing my children would, at times, be unbearable. Yet, two women out of millions stepped forward and said, "I will." I wish I could describe the love I have for both of our birth moms.
My children have truly come to me in miraculous ways. Each time I look into their faces, my faith in Heavenly Father's eternal plan for us is renewed. I love my family more than I can express. I am truly, truly blessed.